Today i felt like blogging about what i feel and that is you siti mariam bte johari.

Till today,i still dwell on my past and its you.Being in the same class and not talking to each other is just too weird for me.I miss our laughter,our day out together(the two of us only)and the joy we went through together.Somehow i felt you didnt wanted me anymore,therefore i back off.I speak for others of how you are back then.I did make things clear to you if you have anything to clarify with me please do so but yet you kept quite.I don't understand why so.Why did you have to ask ur boyfriend to speak up for you?Your closer to me Not him.I still do care for you its a matter of do you care for me the same way?The truth is i felt neglected by my own bestfriend.I must say it wasn't easy for me to get over things between you and me.I cried like a baby to joey about you but you couldn't care less.How sad could that be?The day i lost my bag,you weren't there for me.I wanted for your call but nope,nothing from you.NO calls..NO sms..Nothing!

Every problem we acquire are just for us to handle.Not a 3rd party.It our friendship not his.I don't understand why u didnt speak up for me?You are afraid of losing him then me?I dont need you to piorities me but as a friend you should know what to do.You thought me one thing and that is BEST FRIENDS might just leave and be the worst nightmare.Now your my nightmare.I wouldn't want to talk about this again but i tell you one thing last year i bought you a birthday present but i dare not pass it to you.I know you hate the sight of me..well i don't..i miss us..our friendship...I still cried when i think of us..no other friendship could be like ours..no one..only if you treasured me.I wish you all the best.tell me if you need anything...I'll be there..Somehow i wish everything would end perfectly..i wish you could give me the hug that you usually gave me..i miss you..really do..

here are some of the msges from friendster which i kept..as memories..

I'm not sure you want me to give you a poem like this for your birthday a poem which says I need to bury myself in the center of your heart and swim there like a mermaid.I pretend to do ordinary things like birthday cards but all the cells in my body are in revolt because you're not here for me..not even talking like we use to..i know ur going trough ur hard time of life..i know..but i'm here for u..and i hope u r here for me..just really hope u'll be there..but somehow people let me down..i never tought i was never important in ur life..i can't believe the day we had maths paper 2..after the paper u just left ...not even a bye from u..i'm pissed..but i tried to understand y..but still u don't have to treat me this way..i'll be really crazy if u don't change..i have too much to handle..its a case of life n death..i'm not kidding..its very traumatising..when u don't even know whats gonna happen next..'he'(my dad) can anytime live me..how am i able to cope?everything pains me..everything..i'm not kidding..people treat me like trash..i can't even get to talk to you..i didn't know i was never important in ur life..is there still place for me in ur heart..?i feel like killing myself..u are the only one i hope for now..but u somhow let me down..has somone become more important than me?i guess yah..ur boyfriend rite..?i don;t care what he wants to say..for all i care..but atleast don't seperate us..please don't be selfish..i'm here thinking about u..but r u?i'm crying for u..thinking about u..wondering why u not there..u don't even msg me anymore..hu's ur 1st piority?not me i guess..cud somebody hu i know..yeah..i guess so..i just hope for u..even i can't have my 'him'..my life time lover..is much more hurting to me..if u wouldn;t even care to ask..how i am..how i have been..do you know..just such sentence like these can make me really happy oready...as ur asking me..that's what i really wanted..i don't get u..whats ur plan..why r u not talking to me..its very painfull...please remember..even i'm an outsider..i'm always there to go trough thick n thin..goin trough the ups n downs with u..u have always had me..by ur side..but y?but y r u not talking it out?i'm not invisible mariam..i'm there..never far away from u..please down let me down..love,iqahi really love u alot..more than u could possibly imagine..how much this freindship worth..

instead her boyfriend replied me...

haiz..tak habes2 gado(kite tak pernah gadoh,it was misunderstanding and i never did shout at her before like he did in public) ..and im sorry i dont mean to masok campo dlm persahabatan korang but i guess im already involved..i dont care what u wanna say either i just wanna set the record straight ; IM NOT SEPARATING ANYONE. IM NOT BEING SELFISH. (you already did) the fact is, you are..13th july ni aku da masok camp okeh..so bear with it..im trying my best to spend every time i have left with mariam and kalau kau betol2 kwn mariam kau patot memahami keadaan..kat skolah hari2 jumpe kan(she didn't even talk to me in school,she acted like i wasnt there)..well make full use of it..and takkan psl tak ckp bye pon nak kecik hati..come on la iqah..i seek your forgiveness on her behalf okay?
both are saying each others changing now..its just best to accept somehow for who they are..rather than asking them to change am i right? but if u still insist then go change your ownself first..no ones perfect so if u cant accept someone's flaws then go fix yours first..u dont want people to treat u like trash then dont treat people like one..dont ask if theres a place for u in her heart but instead go and fight for one..and why are u so desperate to be her number 1 priority? ( i did not wish to be her num one) even i dont mind if im not..i mean i love her alot too but at some point of time u just have to put someone else before that person..like family for example..or kwn2 yg bermasalah so on and so forth..but that doesnt mean i dont love her..just that keadaan tak mengizinkan..samer story dgn ape yg berlaku skrg ni..you're complaining of her not spending time with u when im going ns in a few months time..of cos she would grab every oppurtunity to spend time with me but that doesnt mean she doesnt love u no more..kengkawan mariam yg lain tkde pon complain so dont u think youre being a little selfish here? (me selfish?i gave her all the time she needed,i wasnt controlling her at all..the decision is in her hand not me)
im sorry if my entrance in her life has interupted your friendship..i swear its not something i wished for..in fact dari dulu lagi i told mariam i dont want any of her friendship terjejas because of me..i love her and i love all her friends too..tapi kau yg ngade2 sgt tknk klua samer2 psl teringatkan balik pasal ex kau ke ape nta la pasal tu la pasal ni la..semenye tak kene bagi kau..its all about you iqah..tak pernah terlintas ke dlm kepale otak kau tentang perasaan org lain? for once just please put others before you before u demand something in return..or best still, dont expect anything in return..keikhlasan tu penting..
i seriously dont want to gado la okeh..i have nothing against you..at all..mohon ampun dan maaf atas segalenye yang berlaku semenjak aku berkenalan dgn mariam..think u girls need to talk, NICELY..
im just, sorry..rreys ^

I MSG HER THROUGH PHONE..and again he replied through friendster msg..WDH

hello o.ohaha sorry ye kerane saye ni unamanah pergi bace msg org..dengar2 mengumpat psl org lain takpe..tak salah..iqah buat apape seme maner ade salah..seme betol beb..akha see? youre so good at spotting others mistake tapi diri sendiri peh salah mcm tak prasan gitu ehk..and biler org tego takle accept lak tu..tsk3 as i said im sure as hell i dont want to gado i tried to apologise i tried to compromise i tried everything but it seems that pihak disaner tu maseh ego jugak so im not gonna suit to every of your taste no more..we're not born to please you..and since when do i need your permission to have some space? maner peh big shot je ehk..dont test my patience cos i dont have one..try me..and oh, i dont recall saying i know everything so stop putting words into my mouth thank you..

Whatever busted..your unwanted here..sicko..you disrespect my friend thats why i hate you...you said that i would be the cause of you breakup,didnt you?bloody busted...you hurt her again and may lighting strikes you.Mariam i never did talk about you and all i did was talk about him..cause i hate him and you know why...i'll end here.

today emaline ask me where i bought my pencil case?she thought i bought it in malaysia?WDF..HEY its tailor made..no one esle has it..its expensive ok..sentimental value alright!!!MUM did it for me..SAYER SYG IBU =D

• 1st piece with be the tree
• 2nd-face-red
• 3rd-face-blue
• 4th face -pink
• 5th baby-purple
• 6th my face(bday pic)
• 7th " "

k i guess that's about all for now.Ok,I'll end here today.Im so sleepy.bye.

Labels: fight this through like warriors do, make it a dream come true =D