Its was not a good start for today..
smses from brother made me pull a long face all afternoon till i meet boyfriend.
He still doesn't know whats the matter all about.

Can say I'm truly hurt by brother's smses.
It has been because of him all this while.

The times we use to have late night chit chats in his room before we sleep had no longer been the same.I've been trying to come up with a conversation every time i see him at home but it wasn't as how i expected it to be.?It all changed.

Every now and then i leave his room will tears down my cheeks.So sad and disappointed but i didn't declare or bother him with what i feel/think.I was kind-hearted enough to let him rest after the long tiring day he had despite me feeling the way i was.So i have been holding back all that for very long now.

Somehow i felt that your using me as a rebound for your own benefits.You lie for your own selfish needs but you never gave a thought on how i would feel and the only thing you would say that I'm being petty.Ever since i ran away from home back in my younger days,you are the one looking for me but you don't know it was because of you that i ran away from home.Mum and dad has always been comparing...because they see you being successful being the one that has a good future while kakak having a hard life and me,have yet to know.
Everyone's pressurizing me and unknowingly i don't even know how to decide for my own future because everyone plans for me.Leaving me not knowing what i really want.Get my point here?

I can't even make a simple decision of what to eat and where to go because it has always been someone making the choice for me.Even so that all this is happening it does not really matter if i have you to make it all feel so right where it should be..talking to you..disturbing you..

Sometimes I'm jealous of not being the main spotlight by mum and dad.They leave food for you..and me?you hear it yourself didn't you the other day?
After prayers,i bathe and went out.
It was because i can't seem to swallow what they say..
So what I'm fat?that doesn't mean i don't need to eat?
And now that I'm working everyone knows i earn just enough to feed myself n pay for my own expenses but they find me for money.
You know how hard it has been for me?
For you to understand me is what i need.I don't need you to vent your anger on me knowing its not my fault.I'm not your girlfriend making you angry but I'm trying to shared the kind of happiness i feel even treated this way.

It has always been me that he say I've to 'grow up' and not be 'petty'?what does it take to be a grown up?Not being moved by the hurtful actions and demands?All the expectations and assumptions u make towards me?

It has always been me not appreciating what he has done?
all the presents and stuff he buys me during my birthday.
yes,i have yet to buy him anything in return but if he thinks that i haven't been thinking of what to buy,let him be.You so high-class standard what makes you think i have enough to spare for your stuff?or even choose something that u might like i don't know.i really don't know.

Sometimes you think i mix with the wrong kind of people but in fact those people taught me lots of things in life.

Don't judge the book by its cover because you never know how the story starter or ended.

But because you always did you'll never believe the kind of fun,excitement,experience,love and lots more to mention.I feel how others feel that sometimes,i just wish i could take all the pain from them.

So today smses between you had made the end of our conversation,for sure.today you have came to know about the kind of sister you have or should you not call me your sister?
because i never did anything for..that's just for you to know isn't it?
iron Ur clothes when your rushing for time..when there's just only me at home u ask me to help u out with this and that..being so nice for just what you want..
yes Ur hurt,i am too.
i never will know how this will make things better.i hope I'll get to know..






11:42 PM love like there's no tomorrow