iqah's world

2009-01-23T10:57:00.004+08:00

22 January 2009

Woke up and called boyfriend early in the morning and he didn't pick up so i ended up sleeping.Boyfriend and me finally woke up drawing to 1100 hrs.Bathe and got ready and out suppose to drop by his house first before heading down to Alexandra Hospital but his mum's appointment was at 1300hrs.So he'd picked me up from Queenstown station and met his parents at the hospital.After his mum almost done with setting her new date and all bf and me went off first to queensway mall.
Did survey some stuffs and im going back there after i get my pay..MUST!!!
Whats that another mall opposite IKEA? oh!to tell u guys theres BILLABONG OUTLET there..cheap :)

In the day we had mee hoon goreng mama and at night we had double cheeseburger and popeyes!!!Argh deliciouso..heh!!
Then head home..and the rest of the story only me n bf know
ok my fellow followers..
i'll be meeting shafiq and anisah today..just to sit n chit chat..
im missing all my close friends dearly missing u guys..update me aite?when u all get ur JAE results?

2009-01-21T10:20:00.004+08:00

20 January 2009

Met sastri early afternoon at her house and ate rice with spicy barbecued stingray and off for her appointment at Changi General Hospital.

Joey called when i was on my way to sastri's house.
babe,im sorry i had plans with sastri and bf.perhaps next time ok?

After sastri's checkup appointment,we head back to tampines.Having the intention of someone wanting to buy her eyeliner. Apparently,she forgot about everything.Only until we were sitting under the void deck enjoying our bubble tea and Old Chang Ke that she realise,she have not purchase her eyeliner.(sastri has short term memory,hehe~)

So she was too lazy to turn back.After talking,eating and drinking i head up to marina bay station to meet boyfriend. Suppose to meet him at the bus stop nearby but i got lost of directions and the banglas ain't helping everyone was so scary.hah!
Called boyfriend and he picked me at another bustop near by.
Head down to Marina South Pier,
(ariah loves called asking if i wanted to take the train together with her but i had to hurry and meet boyfriend as im running late and she was only in the bus reaching tampines interchange.Sorry sayang!next time ok?)

boyfriend has been very sweet lately ehkk...
he packed food from home for both of us.
There's fried chicken wings and drumlets OK?!(my favourite)
along with the pecked rice and vege and delicious sambal goreng pengatin.
(how do i translate that in english?)
But it had paru so i didnt quite get to enjoy the sambal goreng pangatin.
Overall it was nice and sweet..credits to boyfriend for making my day..

Muhd fahmy,
once again have succeeded in stealing rafiqah's heart.
round of applause!

Going 2120 hrs,we ride off to collect my pay before the shop close.Call shasha and inform her that I'm coming before 2200 hrs.

After collecting my pay we went to Esplande by the bay and sat down with corn in a cup and a bottle of plain water.Ate-talk-laugh-hug and all...Doing things that couples do when in love kinda thing and i felt like eating M&M's MINT chocolate?!!!!??!So went to the shop and they do not have it?!Sobsobsob...
Head to the toilet and walk to the bike and we ride home.

Everyone should try the M&M's MINT!!Super addictive!!

Thank you boyfriend for everything...

more pics to come

2009-01-17T13:36:00.003+08:00

2009-01-17T12:27:00.002+08:00

'It started as a small nugget of pain deep inside but it grew and grew until it was a huge choking ball of agony'

ive nothing much to say.

2009-01-06T23:42:00.004+08:00

Its was not a good start for today..
smses from brother made me pull a long face all afternoon till i meet boyfriend.
He still doesn't know whats the matter all about.

Can say I'm truly hurt by brother's smses.
It has been because of him all this while.

The times we use to have late night chit chats in his room before we sleep had no longer been the same.I've been trying to come up with a conversation every time i see him at home but it wasn't as how i expected it to be.?It all changed.

Every now and then i leave his room will tears down my cheeks.So sad and disappointed but i didn't declare or bother him with what i feel/think.I was kind-hearted enough to let him rest after the long tiring day he had despite me feeling the way i was.So i have been holding back all that for very long now.

Somehow i felt that your using me as a rebound for your own benefits.You lie for your own selfish needs but you never gave a thought on how i would feel and the only thing you would say that I'm being petty.Ever since i ran away from home back in my younger days,you are the one looking for me but you don't know it was because of you that i ran away from home.Mum and dad has always been comparing...because they see you being successful being the one that has a good future while kakak having a hard life and me,have yet to know.
Everyone's pressurizing me and unknowingly i don't even know how to decide for my own future because everyone plans for me.Leaving me not knowing what i really want.Get my point here?

I can't even make a simple decision of what to eat and where to go because it has always been someone making the choice for me.Even so that all this is happening it does not really matter if i have you to make it all feel so right where it should be..talking to you..disturbing you..

Sometimes I'm jealous of not being the main spotlight by mum and dad.They leave food for you..and me?you hear it yourself didn't you the other day?
After prayers,i bathe and went out.
It was because i can't seem to swallow what they say..
So what I'm fat?that doesn't mean i don't need to eat?
And now that I'm working everyone knows i earn just enough to feed myself n pay for my own expenses but they find me for money.
You know how hard it has been for me?
For you to understand me is what i need.I don't need you to vent your anger on me knowing its not my fault.I'm not your girlfriend making you angry but I'm trying to shared the kind of happiness i feel even treated this way.

It has always been me that he say I've to 'grow up' and not be 'petty'?what does it take to be a grown up?Not being moved by the hurtful actions and demands?All the expectations and assumptions u make towards me?

It has always been me not appreciating what he has done?
all the presents and stuff he buys me during my birthday.
yes,i have yet to buy him anything in return but if he thinks that i haven't been thinking of what to buy,let him be.You so high-class standard what makes you think i have enough to spare for your stuff?or even choose something that u might like i don't know.i really don't know.

Sometimes you think i mix with the wrong kind of people but in fact those people taught me lots of things in life.

Don't judge the book by its cover because you never know how the story starter or ended.

But because you always did you'll never believe the kind of fun,excitement,experience,love and lots more to mention.I feel how others feel that sometimes,i just wish i could take all the pain from them.

So today smses between you had made the end of our conversation,for sure.today you have came to know about the kind of sister you have or should you not call me your sister?
because i never did anything for..that's just for you to know isn't it?
iron Ur clothes when your rushing for time..when there's just only me at home u ask me to help u out with this and that..being so nice for just what you want..
yes Ur hurt,i am too.
i never will know how this will make things better.i hope I'll get to know..

2009-01-06T08:41:00.002+08:00

yada yada yada..
ok everyone's excited for their 18th birthday while i still have 11 months to go till im celebrating mine.WAH!

Anyway...something's on my mind.its annoyingly irritating pestering me everyday.
Well i guess all know that the O level results will be release soon.Sigh
i got butterflies in my tummy...ohhh!my...ohhh my...pray hard for a better life.what i know this is not the end.amin!!

2009-01-05T01:20:00.003+08:00

Went to meet boyfriend
actually it was our 3rd mnth ann just now earlier in the day
spent our time at his house watch tv n eat then off to botanical garden.Sight seeing..
didnt bring anything to feed the fishes n swans(only two,sweet kan?)..
then talk and went crazy singing..after that we head down to adam's road..to eat..
went off to pasir ris park n sit down..solve some minor things..and here i am blogging cause i just settled down..finish bathing and all..
And i realise we were smoke free the whole day!Awesome!
I had a simple celebration with him for our 3rd...looking forward for more..

SO yeahh..may our relationship blossom even more..

to joey:
sorry about just now.we'll have that fav food of ours soon ok?u n i have a date together..

2009-01-01T12:17:00.003+08:00

So its a New year to get-set-ready-and-go!
Enjoyed my every spend moment back in 2008 with my fellow 5Ns..but now its time to look forward to new excitement in 2009 in which i believe i won't ever forget you guys!?!for sure!
Not forgetting my other friends out there...this new year..and christmas im thankful for the best present.My man. I look forward to get to know more about you. This year 2009 will be the year to pick up new skills and be optimistic because theres no point crying over spilled water in the sand people.What i know even having insumountable problems there is ways to get things solve.
Never give up because you know you have to make it through.Best of luck my mates..till we meet..

2009 i look forward to

take the cable car
pick up new sports
get fit
get organised
get selected in the art industry
be equipped with great grooming etiquette
have new stlye
have new wardrobe
financial independent
have respect to the elders
control the language
learn and understand the imperfections
be extra hardworking
always update my blog
not take things easy in life
know what i want
make my own decisions
take great charge in my own problems
be there for my friends..family..boyfriend..

a great list of them..too much to be typed out
So im sure i'll be able to occupy time with benefits

and im sure you all will too..

2008-12-31T23:25:00.002+08:00

I've collected my Emporio Armani specs on Monday, 29 December.
Yes im pretty happy with the choice that ive made.Sorry
haven't had the chance to update a proper entry.Pictures to be
uploaded but lazy buzy and lazy buzzy bee..

Anyway i welcome 2009 with open hands.May there be better and greater achievements
to come.Wishing e loved ones a Happy New Year!May our relationship blossom even more in 2009 ehhk b? *winkz*

exist or extinct?remain or demolish?

2008-12-25T01:47:00.004+08:00

Look at the time?!

I'm still awake after working long hours just to fill time because basically every single one of my friends is busy with work and relationships.
boyfriend coming back soon,he'd smsed me.Saying that he'll be heading down to london for his last stop before heading back to Singapore.Oh boy i miss you.
Its alright just two more days to your arrival honeyyyy...yay yay!!

Anyway,i've bought some D.I.Y materials to help me get started with gifts for him.I hope the trip has strengthen that bonding of urs with them.

Lately, some things are bothering me.

I'm certainly not good in words to express it out,only the above would understand how it feels to be in my current situation.I don't need anyone to know or to understand how i feel because they never will,as all they care about is theirs.Why should i understand?When you don't?Why should i care?When you don't?Why must i get upset?When..your not?
See what i mean?Everytime i ask myself this few questions...i get confuse..uncertain..lots more

I'm never far away ?Was i?
Only the matter of, who you choose to cling on.
Ok save it,nothings gonna change as it will remain unchanged.No one knows what exactly it it.Do they..It just for you to know with or without me isn't it?

What have i done?Am i stressing you?For good or for bad?too little or too late?I kept it long because u meant something to me thats for sure after the days..months..years that ive got to know you.Well...i dont know about others.
Who shall i ask?
God sent someone will you?help me i plead

Today at work,i felt like jumping off the cliff.
Customers are so fuck'd up.
i receive two christmas present from the unexpected people..thank yoou siti and mei fang..God Bless...

i need to hit the sack soon yeah people..
getting late and im doing closing at vivo later on..

2008-12-21T23:22:00.003+08:00

I got myself into deep shit. Paying for a spectacle worth 320 dollars,im going to kill myself for the rest of the weeks not eating during work just water from home.
This is insane but i decided to get something solid that can be seen by others on where my hard earn money went to in which i can purchase something so XXXX. I will be collecting the specs next week and have already pay a deposit of 50. I shall take a picture with it when i receive it next week.
I think boyfriend will be shock if i would to tell him about this when he comes back.
As both of us agreed to open another account to start saving money for our 8 years to come.If u guys know what i mean.HEh...
Because of this specs im buying,two weeks pay gone just like that.
haiyahh..

Fahmy sudhar please come back soon...i miss u loads n lots
k..5 days to ur arrival and 4 days to the day u come back..

2008-12-18T09:06:00.002+08:00

oh boy few more days left till he comes back home!?!
I'm excited,really am.
yesterday about 4 plus, boyfriend sms

he: baby!its snowing!!
me:b..take video la let me see or u do snowball then ask Ur mum throw at u..i wanna see =)
k iqah merepek
Just can't wait for his arrival on next Thursday..a week to go.

Iffah's boyfriend who was away to vietnam for 4 days 3 nights is coming back home today and i know that lucky girl is so happy because she sms me yesterday night =_="

oh yes yesterday while i was at run at vivo outlet Six,i have this conversation with her.here goes..

she: Do you have a new pair(sunglasses) for this design?
me: nope,sorry.All the designs are being displayed as it is sales item.
She:oh!could you do something with this pair?its so filthy dirty,Don't you think so?
Me:no i don't think so.

So as i wipe the sunglass for her,she talks to herself

She: i want it clean...bla bla bla..its so filthy..yucks...

She's acting like a bloody bitch.Demanding bitch acting like shes another paris hilton when she has her frinch trying to cover her goofy eyes which were pooping out everytime she taks to me.Oh bitch!get alive your not the royals.The sunglass is 19.90 SG, cheap isn't it?If u want clean ones,go get yourself something much up to ur standard in which i believe u don't have the Greens to purchase one.

*greens means money
enough about that pathetic bitch who annoyed me with her attitude.

Today at 4.30 am,my brother left for his Bangkok trip along with his two other friends from camp.Oh he brought them home yesterday night but i didn't get to see any of them cause I'm asleep way before they reach home.brother is going away for about five days.He better get me something when he returns.He didn't get me anything this year for my birthday?!
talking about presents,this year i only got it from my boyfriend.thanks for the late night makan at sempang which i requested for butter prawn!heh
and i love my bday gift from u.really do sweets.
well ...as expected anyway.Some can even forget my bday and some even forgets and wishes me a belated instead when i can wish them in advance.This is just life isn't it?nothing is fair but look on the bright side?Just set aside the least important i must say. OK people,I'm done for today's entry.I'm doing closing of shop today.sigh...boring

2008-12-16T12:20:00.002+08:00

10 more days to go

Now boyfriend and family is in Germany,he say that they are 7 hours behind singapore.

im gonna be really sorry if his bill for the upcoming month shoots up.

I wonder how much is the charge per sms..

Dangerously in love with you

2008-12-15T12:05:00.000+08:00

2008-12-14T15:12:00.000+08:00

I'm at Sastri's crib now.
After sending my love together with his parents off.
Terminal 3 row 10 plane to Zürich but before that there was lots of talking done by his parents.
Rest assure,we'll both plan things carefully.It's a long way to go we know *smiles*
But both wants to make thing happen in time to come
ala b...8 years 10 months nothing eh ?small the pieces

Oh well today I'm seventeen.
When the time strikes at 12 mid.Its was definitely an unexpected day for me.
Y so?
me n bf was having our late dinner at Sempang Bedok. His treat again.
After eating butter prawn,mushroom soup, bean curd hotplate and baby kailan with oyster sauce. Both of us was darn bloated,we sat to rest our stomach. Looking across the road, i saw Syira. Happily shouting her name from the side of the road,went to her and hug her.
Then they settled down next to where i n bf were sited and syira starts the introduction.
after then,came along Thomas other three friends and waited awhile more. GUESS who?!
iffah appeared and i was weaving out of happiness.
So at 12 mid everyone sang Birthday song for me and wanted to Sabuh me?With the leftovers?!
prawn heads?!beancurd?!
Ok and bf,best of all ehhkk.. made syira interested to put the leftover classic cheese cake at my chestand it when down to the upper curve of my breast. Syiiioookk right Syira? i know
Overall thanks everyone.

b..thanks for the things that u have done for me.Your the reason what i am now because of your loving hands that has always touches my heart. I'm sure gonna do the countdown for your arrival back to Singapore. misses u always darling.

2008-11-30T22:03:00.000+08:00

Somehow i feel I'm going through depression due to work. I use to enjoy my working days two years back at an F & B outlet in town as the people are not stuck up by rules and regulations. F**k rules.

Rewind time please?
I'm missing all the people in Bistro Delifrance.The atmosphere is so much different from my current working place. WHY is it ;-

boring
same thing to be done over and over again
everyone so..
time pass so slow working in Six

ohhh my god?!?!people above

help me?!

i wanna be a star i wanna be a teacher i wanna be psychologist

most of all, I wanna be a full time lover. HEH

(Laughing Out Loud)

I haven't been sleeping properly this days i guess I'm thinking too much. *crycrycry*

I'll be using pp8 num soon.i don't wanna use line anymore,clear away all bills and I'm done,starhub 128 that is my final choice.Everything paid for and i need not worry of the increase in billing for every month.

sometimes,what couples do when in love,they dont take their time to think they might end up being broke like bf is now =). alalalala cian die..ni la orang besar fierce..but its good cause I'll have chance to buy whatever i want with my hard earn money.Its about time. yeah~

I shall be the clever one now,use pp8 128 everyone it really saves Ur money.

darling, like that i can top-up every week sey when my pay comes?everyday i flood Ur inbox?boleh per b?

b..i know you'll be reading this..

lets plan carefully on financial wise k?

may the stars light bright upon our presence..

may all be inspired by what we experience.

from minutes to midnight we spent time together

spent that night with non-stop cuteness and sillyness

it was all so lovely..like a dream come true..

to make time worth while for it is you that Ive been longing for

Every hour, minutes and seconds that we are together,lets make it to the very end

because the thing about love, i never saw it coming'

You crept up and took me by surprise and now its clear,

how madly in love I'm in with you

For rags or riches

i see and feel this love is true

& hearts u

to classmates reading this.Warning eyy,Keep your comments to yourself.

Dade lebah invest dekat bunge urh ehhh,bunge da takkan layu oik..

(heheheh)

2008-11-26T23:47:00.000+08:00

I'm so Exhausted but i insist on this entry

cause i just have to let this out.

Early in the day when i was at work, came in a china lady on the phone talking loudly and laughing.Siti and myself finds that she posses a fake laugh and it pretty much annoyed us.
She was on the phone and looking at the accessories walking back n forth the same path in the shop holding on to some items.Everyone could hear her speak every word Clearly and i mean CLEARRRLLYY..first thing first..

Did she just swallow a mega microphone or what?!?

A Eurasian couple was paying their items at the cashier where i am standing,He was pointing at that china lady who was talking loudly.The Eurasian couple was saying something to me (but i didn't quite catch them) and again pointing at that china lady.In the shop,was playing a song and when it ended,she was still on the phone happily chatting loudly.Some people are really inconsiderate huh?
Soon after she hung up and she didn't even buy a single thing from SIX accessories.

If i could video her.. i would.
she was like buzz buzz buzzing around the shop..argh!?!
like A very huge MOSQUITO!?

OK people I'm still confused and uncertain of what to really do to my hair.
Anyway i need to recharge cause i have a long day tomorrow. Goodnight my friends,take care and don't take drugs.

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”

2008-11-22T11:00:00.000+08:00

So here i am once again.
In front of the god damn screen posting an entry.Figuring out what i should be doing during this time of life. In the mean time before the release of the O level results in mid January. I'm working at SIX accessories for fun as well as to earn extra income. So that i could buy my own stuff without asking mum. Its been two an half weeks Ive been working,the first thing i bought for the second pay as its weekly pay is M.A.C make-up. Next week i will be buying the eye shadow. Make-up is really driving me insane u know?
Since when did i use make up huh?other then SPECIAL events...
Am thinking of what i could probably do with my hair..any suggestions?tag OK people?
I prefer short hair but many do not share the same view about me having short hair.
Actually short hair makes me look neat and tidy and its easy to manage apart from that I'll look professional because it makes me look younger. So did i add anything that I'm not suppose to do?
Should i have a hair cut?dye my hair?(but i prefer black)perm my hair?(its still quite short)
reborn my hair?(i don't quite like it because its so straight that it makes me look ultimately fat)
Anyone?any guide line here? OHHH gosh..you see now I'm having confusions so make yourself
useful by giving some suggestions and be sensible OK?

Guys and girls Of Changkat Changi Secondary School, I missing you guys so much ya'll know that?Please people take care of yourself OK?Till we meet on the release of O level results OK? I pray hard that everyone gets what they always wanted OK?Hey girls,don't forget to beep beep OK? and and When ya'll get your first pay lets go shopping?!!?!!?!?!?! Promise me OK?Just a little hang out together? please a please 10 thousand people please..

Anyway my dream...
Shall it not go the way i want it to be,What shall i do?Whats the other alternative?
I can't possibly Wait for miracle to happen,Which it won't.
I wish life was much easier in the art industry.Why isn't there anyone so smart as to offer a contract base on creativity for the Young's?Why must it be 5 O level Subjects!?!? Where are those millionaires and billionaires? Aren't their minds working good enough and their heart not feeling what I'm feeling? OK enough. All that Bullshits.aha =P

PS: Oh yes ,i don't do sorrys nor do i like the word.What goes to show if sorry was to be said?That things will not happen again? I bet it will,POSITIVE.Yes i don't say thank you that often do i want to say unless necessary.Im always not on time.Im not good at planning.Im not good with places.I can't make up my mind fast.i don't know what to choose to eat upon looking at the menu.I have difficulties of all that.I dont know much Cause im not good at such things.OveraLL o0o0 boring rafiqah,right? i know.

Hey whats important,i never expect much.A picnic will just do fine(no money is require except transport..Public transport will do just fine,yes the last i requested because i was tired but apart from that..you see...so simple yet difficult.Why?

In which two different worlds sees each others the way they want them to be but not realising they are not.Enough Of this.

Not this

he is my baby bouncer,went to visit my granny in yishun who lives with my untie and has a child.Here he is when he was small...

This was two days back and it was my OFF day,went to granny's place to see baby bouncer

Tired from all the play.He sleeps to recharge and get ready for dinner.this one cute baby makes my day. i love my baby bouncer but why name him baby bouncer?Because his notty and when i scold him he scolds me back. SAD u know!?!

anyway guys i think these entry will take sometime for u guys to read ok?soo dont complaint that i dont update as often cause i give u guys a whole lot of new updates. hmph!

2008-11-17T09:48:00.000+08:00

Truth is i do not intend to update my blog till there's major events going on.Like

what has just passed, the graduation night.It is certainly a night to remember the

long lasting happiness and of course Kamilah,"till we meet again".(Comform meet one la)

Yes i had a enjoyfull evening with all my fellow classmates. Taking pictures before

we enter the ballroom,during the event and

after because WE JUST DON'T CARE by john legend. itu tempat kite da bayar 40

dollar.So feel free ehk?! Oh im wearing a champaigne colour dress with an extra

touch of trench coat from Zara Basic to add a little bit of drama to my overlook.

The proud owner of winning the 'most faithful' award.Indeed,so much for being the

monitor huh james?! you got something to show off now?!ahah =P

Big THANK YOU To u James for being there when i went through so much.

AND AND Guess WHat?! this is mE la

Me & syafiQ
LOng last friends since p3

Sarah & mE

ssUkhy Sandu & mE

In the Toilet photoshoot ehk people?gerek pah?!

YO sexy mama!!??! wo0o0ho0o0~

from left to right :-

Me, Anisah, sUkhy & amyLy

A glass of wine keeps the doctors away?nEhhh..its coke, damn it ?!

Mmmme eeeee & ms nOrzIah

As usual,syAfiQ will always be the only guy.

me n juLiana

This is My happy taufiq... THe award winning of the cutest guy!!he keeps us happy in class, thats for sure =D

2008-10-31T18:50:00.000+08:00

I have certainly lost track of what to blog about!!!

Now let the pictures do the talking ok?

Thanks to him for everything =D

2008-10-04T15:58:00.000+08:00

2ND October 2008
Was the day that i met up with mr fahmy.He fetched me under my block and there we ride off to Wisma Atria to get my sister handphone as it was ready for collection.After that we ride off to bugis and went to level 2.Search for the information counter and Hell yeah im going to Avenged Sevenfold concert on the 24Th of October 2008 at Max pavilion Expo.So beware for mosh pits and body surfs(noted). He paid for the tickets as he said it was a gift from him to me.Oh well Mr,thank you so much for making me happy and allowing this to happen.

Well exams exams exams very very near!!!
16 October 2008 science practical.Gosh!!
Anyway I've just finish doing some recaps on my combined science.I was bored and i ended up studying.Waiting for time to pass by quickly and letting Mr Fahmy sleep as he'll be fetching me later and we are off to get a bite for my long craving which is kebab!ahah OK well... speaking of the devils say Cravings as Ive been sick for almost 2 weeks now and I'm still in the process of recovering.My voice is nearly back on track but i shall avoid ciggies.I'll update more soon enough..take care guys and to my beloved bestie i just want to say that I'm sorry but I'll be busy this days and i hope you'll forgive me for any wrong deeds Ive done OK.Sorry as sometimes i bottled up what i wish to speak up to you but ended up ignoring it because i love u too much and when i cant take it I'll just blow.Sorry..

2008-09-26T02:36:00.000+08:00

Beep Beep oh look now there goes
my phone And once again im just hoping its a text from you..
mm..It aint right read ur messages twice thrice
Four times a night its true

Everyday I patiently wait
Feeling like a fool but I do, anyway
Nothing can feel
as sweet and as real
Cuz I know that I wasn't waiting
in vain..

[Chorus:]And maybe its true
Im caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance your stuck on me too
So maybe im wrong
Its all in my head
Maybe we're afraid of words
we both haven't said

[Verse 2:]
Im always connected online
Hooked on facebook all the time
Hoping you've
Checked my profile
Just can't help wondering why,
You play it cool but,
I'm hopelessly falling for you,
Every night on the phone
I'm..In love with you,
and I know you like it girl
All joking aside,
Let's see you and I
Come out and say what we're trying to hide..

[Chorus:]
And maybe its true Im caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance your stuck on me too
So maybe im wrong
Its all in my head
Maybe we're afraid of words we both haven't said

[Bridge:]
Like I really want you,
I think I need you,
Baby I miss you,
I'm thinking of you [x2]

[Guitar Solo][Chorus:]
And maybe its true (OH)
Im caught up on you
(maybe, yeah)
Maybe there's a chance your stuck on me too
(Stuck on me too)
So maybe im wrong
(Hey baby, yeah..)
Its all in my head..
(OH NO)
Maybe we're afraid of words we both haven't said
(both haven't said)
And Maybe Its True Im Caught Up On You
Maybe Theres A Chance You're Stuck On Me Too
So Maybe Im Wrong,
And Its All In My Head
Maybe We're Afraid Of Words We Both Hadnt Said

[Outro]
Maybe it's true..
(Baby I Miss You)
I'm caught up on you
(Look I Want You)
Maybe I am wrong Baby I miss you...

rasa'en luh rindu seminggu

2008-09-19T21:29:00.000+08:00

Finally prelims are over and guess what? I didn't go school today due to the fact that i want to enjoy my short break from all the exams and breakdowns.Stressful indeed but hopefully it will pay off.

sometimes just sorry would do it,you have to understand the situation and study it.How painful things can get it all depends how weak someone is maybe your not but she is.

I've enjoyed spending my time with mariam past few days,above are the pics.

mind us for being this way..haha! having fun ok!?

2008-09-09T18:44:00.000+08:00

oh well...looks like i have to start burning the midnight oil to get my art done by next Thursday.Oh man! what a work load i have to drag myself to do.

Anyway i don't really have the mood to actually update my blog prom and proper

as currently im having my prelims.Well today paper was manageable but except for my essay it was abit out of the storyline on what i actually intentioned on doing.i didnt have any juice left to squeeze.So i concentrate rather more on my main paper and letter writing.It was OK
outdated pics

2008-09-08T05:53:00.000+08:00

mariah carey-i stay in love

Oh baby
Baby, I stay in love with you
Dying inside cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive

If you dont' know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It's no mistaking
We're just erasing
From our hearts and minds

And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do Baby,
I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby,
baby I stay in love with you

Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Baby, I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gon' act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now

Hey, what I wanna do is Ride shotgun next to you
With the top down like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone
Now go I know

We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do Baby,
I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you
Now no matter what I do Baby,
baby I stay in love with you

We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do Baby,
I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you
Now no matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you

I stay in love
LoveOh,
I stay in love.

Its the day that reflects on life so much so i realise i miss you guys at home

2008-08-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

true enough..nobody knows how anybody feels.the reason why nobody should expect anybody to feel how they feel is because we only know what we are facing but try to look both side of the coin.It does not mean she or he looks happy but she ain't thinking or worrying about anything.Well...not all would want to share want they are currently facing.As a teenager myself i believe everything i encounter is an extra experience that no one could buy from.It's just how you look at things.I'm worried sick about exams and at the rate I'm going.God knows where i will be in the future.i seek guidance since day one of life.I'm not that fascinated in learning but will give the best.maybe not outdo others that are born genius but just the minimum.my aim is to lead a happy meaningful life which i really hope that my family will get to appreciate one another be it their weaknesses,after all we come from the same mum and dad.with god willing.amin

It hadn't been a happy ending day for me.Today mum and bro had a heart to heart talk and i didn't stay too long at home cause i was assign to buy the groceries.when i came back i saw bro in his room,he didn't went out.

dear abang,
Its not that I'm imbecile.I understand but i wish i could take the pain away from you.Its hard and it is too for me.i understand mum for being like she is today evening but only we could change the way it is now.We are her children that she love and care.I know that serving national service must be hard on you and also having to maintain the relationship with your girlfriend is tough.I understand as I'm able to overlook the whole matter but sometimes its abit too much of a pressure to handle.I had enough nags and listening to complaints from both sides and i just want the weekends to gather back all the happy memories i use to have and get from both of us.To see tears roll down your cheeks made my heart sunk real deep and hearing your sad voice made me cry too.I just want everything to end.I just want to spend quality time together with the whole family.i miss getting to know everybody as everyone will be doing their own thing at home.No communication at home is just like living with strangers at home.that's what i truly feel.I pray for things to get better each day.Even now it feels like the matter is hanging.Just smile and look away and that memory of the good time will wash the pain away.i love everyone in this family.
love,
iqah

i feel stronger each day,we will survive through the bumpy rides.i promise if u'll perform ur best

2008-08-27T23:47:00.000+08:00

I'm not that professional myself to make that mark in your life.I'm glad that i made u remember an angel in disguise.I thank god too for making me strong to face everything.For now that i hope that everything will go smoothly be it Ur exams and my exams.I'm left with 54 days subtract of the weekends and holidays...its just a quarter life we got here to the last lap.the final major lap.We will survive if you put in the effort.When you need professional help such that counselling and motivation,it all can be arranged but overall the main component of this challenging lap is you.The inner you on how strong it is to face up to this challenge.Only you know what you'll become.Don't let yourself be morphed into a tart!As you deserve better.You go girl.

Today i learn that we shouldn't have criticise god's creation.Even if she/he is bad as there's such word as imperfection.We shall learn from our mistakes and don't take for granted of the trust given or be prepare to face the results in doing so.Well...things might be complicated but only we or specifically i,have not only face difficulties but also encountered failure countless times but should we give up we'll not be able to know what we are capable of and that is to make a difference.how difficult matters are it doesn't matter as its gonna be easy like maths equations to simplify it and be the proud owner of achieving the set of flying colours remarks.

well my fellow mates,endure the pain.
how awful it is to swallow just smile and look away and hope that happy times will wash the pain and lift yourself up again.when there's ever any night that you feel like falling and hope that there's a loving hand to pick you up..don't bother cause u know that your closest heart to heart friend believes in you and that you can prove her that your stronger than life in which it could be better then ever!

hey girls,im meeting you guys tommorow.Excited!!Sungguh~
a cooking session together after so long huh?who would want to miss that?*laughs*
back onto the drawing block..baybayyy

2008-08-23T23:45:00.000+08:00

Lesson 1

Be who you are and say what you feel,because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

lesson 2

Life is not about finding yourself.Life is about creating yourself.

lesson 3

When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete,everybody will respect you.

lesson 4

Its not what happens to you,but how you react to it that matters.

lesson 5

If you are not getting much from life as you want to,then examine the state of your enthusiasm.

lastly lesson 6

ALL that we are is the result of what we have thought.What we think,we become.

Life has been great never felt better.

Whoever out there and you are reading this it is to remind you that from the slightest move you make it all becomes a different predicament.So you choose your way and I'll choose mine.Cause we are individuals and no one can change that.Sometimes friends tell you good thing for your own good but again you have brains so make full use of it.
Sometimes i go through pain myself but then again,'Truth is like an Art piece,Its how you look at it from different angles,and judge the nature of the Art piece by your inner intuition and feelings,Its how you are able to understand and interpret what it means,that's why truth hurts because its artistic'-Amywhite philophobia

well...So you out there if you think that this is the way it should be for the time being then you are wrong cause you are one selfish freak that only think that you'll make it to the end by your own and that to avoid meet ups will ace your subjects well so be it.It only reflects on how much you think of me and how you bother.What Else is there to say?sad eyes don't make you weak does it?Tears won't make you realise how much it hurts,does it?So why care?i wanna get back to the drawing board.Lets put it together again...before it really tears apart.Its clear isn't it?i need one last explanation before its clear but when will it be?the answer lies in you
you tell me...if this is it..why did u come back after the first time it ended?why?just for what you feel not caring about how i am now?its really sad?matured?look who's talking now?your choices are someone meant to be 12 not how old you are today.I don't get you..i really don't..its really disappointing.

2008-08-16T14:00:00.000+08:00

BUCK UP i feel that i wanna write informal today,singlish

As days goes by,It feels like life is getting shorter and as i inhale for oxygen it aint got any?

i felt like choking ,i feel it pressing ,i felt it being squeeze,its so painful
how i wish it didn't get to this stage and now its killing me.Hey ni bukan drama mama ehhk!?
Anyway abit of refreshing which actually does not have any connection to what im gona post today.

just that it feels so hard to get where i wana get such that my aim is to Nafa
but how i wish i could?If the cost aren't that expensive. sigh~sedih...
So today i woke up early,showered and i smell sweeettt!!!Duh...sape mandi bau busuk kan?=__=

after shower i got the room clean and i did file-ing plus now im infront of the screen without a bloody specs which i havent been wearing for almost a year?what the hell?perhaps soon i'll be getting my own black nerdy specs..for just 28 dollars,including frame and lenses..it would be good if it was multi coated ?sunlight protection?and everything...
today im abit of a imaginary here and there..ive been doing soul searching for the past few days and that the mock exams really did a good job by giving me the loud Wake up call!!!
Shit man!the bloody papers was horrible.SUX

Im gonna prepare myself mentally and physically for the results and i got a freaking C6 for my mother tongue O level paper.Its ok..Im meant to score better for English which is obvious that im Not gonna be scoring good for whatever papers.Truth is i did nothing but read my storybook which i bought at expo the other day when there was a Borders book sale.

Shut up and sit down(sukhy's words)
Roll it down my girlfriend!
ahah

im going insane actually..not exactly..
because nothing is helping me out and neither is 'he' there to help me lessen the pain that usually was replace by the talks i have daily with him..Now he like to disappear and once awhile call me and sometimes it just ended just like that which is making say,WHAT THE FUCK!!!"
Doesnt mean i don't clarify what i feel towards every action u make doesn't mean i felt nothing?u are one of a kind beast that make me feel this way and hope to tell me that to cure it is to eat and grow fat right?fat hope la boy!?U know how it feels but u do nothing to cure it?Ur the antidote to it u kentut bacin?tak faham2 lagi ke per?stop asking me to stop feeling like this when i cannot uh sia..shit u!Whatever im done with the entry..
Truth is im feeling much better but sorry that this entry had to end this way cause i suddenly feel paranoia..shit u shit u..
ok entry ni merepek sikit..i cant be bothered withe language that i use today...fuck'd u...dont like just exit of the window assssss...

seperti ada yang tak kena,kenape ehk?

2008-08-10T12:50:00.000+08:00

I'm hooked on storybooks-non fiction ones.It felt that it drag my concentration into letting my self be engrossed in reading so much so that i hadn't really think about anything else for sometime.Its a good thing tho but i wish i didn't even have to think whats missing at this time.i need Ur calls cause i miss it so much.Sometimes i assume that u are not in a good mood referring Ur voice when u called me.Which actually led to a boring conversation between us.I wonder why,sigh

yesterday went to the Padang and watch the whole event on the big screen.this event was formally to celebrate Singapore's 43Th independence.
So i sit quietly and enjoy myself and yeah away from all the thoughts that have be winding in my mind.

Waited for the fireworks and it was amazing not that i haven't seen them my whole life but i just like every bit of it.Again i wish it had more to it such that if he was there with me.Only if things will be able to held a serious conversation to sort things out calmly.Whatever it is I'm still giving u the space u need to sort out UR life out such that u seem busy all while.its OK i understand,whatever it takes i give my best OK. *smile*

After fireworks i went to meet sastri knowing that she told me fendi was there with rest of the girls.He came back to visit his friends here in Singapore.imagine all the way down here from Melbourne.cool?

they wanted to go drinking and i didn't say much but just hang out with them i didn't bothered cause i know how was it like as I'm was a drinker myself last time.Good for me that i have quit those bad habits.I'm just left to quit my smoking habit which is really tough right now.Rest assure cause I'm sure I'm find my way out of this mess.Anyway,what he said struck my mind.

'pompuan isap rokok buat per?'

OK ok..enough...everything is he here him there and everything Else will be because of him.I hope this will stop.

I'm going jogging later in the afternoon and will stay to watch the sun sets with joey.

After the mock exams i wish i will have the time to go explore Singapore once again.i wanna go to the night safari,bird park,ice skating and much more.i"ll wait for the moment to come i hope it will come soon.OK people i guess it time to end this entry of mine.u guys take care and do not get yourself into deep shit.Like i am in now. time to shower and pamper myself with the body scrubs!

2008-08-08T12:39:00.000+08:00

In this world that we are given life to live, somehow we just want to be on the top and never down.Even tho its clear that theres the ups and down of life but by experiencing both is what that makes us balanced.As one piece stronger to face the opponent.Ever ask yourself what is natural to react in certain ways?

At one point when i experience such breakdowns i wonder why I'm so weak and it felt like no one there to turn to.Even parents may not notice what I'm going through as i kept almost everything to myself.The tears i shed,all can hear but no one may see.So if u ever see me cry, u count yourself unlucky.Frankly i don't enjoy feeling like this.Its pulling me apart from being myself who looks so strong on her own but look at the fact now.Her life seems so alone as she seeks for someone to talk to daily just to forget everything even if its just a call each day.She'll definitely be happy.

After putting down the phone with him.Sometimes i realise i didn't get to say much.since now u know where to find out whats in this heart of mine.I'll just type it here to let it all out so u are aware.Sometimes i don't want to tell u what is in here cause I'm scared it may chase u away from me as everything i say may be of too much for u but again if i don't I'll just be in misery alone.After much thought,i felt that if i say too much i might just loose u.I sense so much that it makes me insecure.I kept thinking.I don't want to end it and I'm not willing too suffer another depression after the last i had years ago.I'll just go with whatever.

There's something u can do.
If only u try to assure me that you are not fooling around with me.I want us to grow up together.Am i a bit too ambitious in setting the goals i have for u and me?Only u can tell me.
sometimes u set me aside and i tried to understand.I don't blame u for anything i seriously don't its only me whom got herself into deep shit and that makes Ur life go like a merry-go-round.

2008-08-04T21:15:00.000+08:00

OK truth is i can't.I need u to call me everyday before i go to sleep.I'm so use to it already.Don't take that away from me?please? today i didn't get a good sleep cause i was hoping u would call me. i woke up every hour or so to check for miss calls.

On Saturday i went to collect my Victoria secret handbag and after that went to watch fireworks with joey and friends.I was hoping that someday u'll be beside me to catch the view of the fireworks together.sigh

after fireworks ended,i went back.Separate from the rest and took a stroll down town,alone.Took bus 65 back and got down at bedok reservoir and walk home,alone.I miss every meet up.Cause i treasure u so much .Get that in Ur thick skull my boy.Everything flashed back,from the first time we met and to the last meeting we had and that was 3 weeks ago.I truly understand that u are busy but i am too and still I'm willing to sacrifice.All that u say was,'i malas'.Its unreasonable cause u live not too far from me.both of us live in Tampines u know???

I don't need Ur sorry but i just want u to understand and that's more then enough.please don't play kites with me. IMY SO MUCH!!
I know i called u in the afternoon.i just couldn't take it anymore.Its so hard.
I don't want this.its a bit too much too handle.Please call me please
i hope that one day,my wish will come true.

Maybe i may not say it to u but actually i want but it so hard to tell.i felt that my lips just went numb and it couldn't speak up whats in this heart of mine.sigh i feel weak so weak.Every time my phone rings i only hope for a private number or Ur other house number but turns out not.Haven't i wait enough?Give me all the support i need

I never ask anything from u before.Today i want to ask u to understand me,understand what i really want.Not more then that.

Im waiting and will always wait.

2008-08-03T21:32:00.000+08:00

I miss you

this is for u

2008-08-02T07:18:00.000+08:00

Maybe we are trying real hard this time but it seems like its not getting anywhere,like I've said before its between u want it or not.So this time its my choice since u cant make up Ur mind.Its a promise that we won't look back because we have to live with it.Truly i don't blame u cause i know the ending of our story.Its not Ur fault either i just hope Ur life will be filled with lotsa love in time to come.I don't want u to make a mistake being any longer with my presence in Ur life.I don't want to stressed u up with all my demands.I know u don't like it and so do i because i know it's like a force-to-do thing for u.i guess i will abandoned my hp since there no one to care for like i had before.Everyone gone,busy with love life and I'm sick and tired of everything.All my friends pisses me of with the boyfriend stories. I just wanna move on and do well in my studies and forget everything.Which i know its the toughest and the roughest journey to get to that goal of mine.Maybe someday if this is true,it will come back.I promise myself this will be the last time i fall for anyone and that is u.Whats love?the only thing i know i was true to you and i thought this separation won't come by but it had to.I dont want u to become a hypocrite to urself.
Dont worry i won't cry anymore.The moment i felt like crying, i'll tell myself why should i?When i know u are not crying for me.I dont know if u do cause if u are u should have long made u r decision and tell it straight to my face.Its either a yes or a no Not i dont know.cause i dont know dont exist for me.You have to be specific.Dont leave things hanging.You have the right to do whatever u want and for that i wish u the best in whatever u do.I have faith in you.If u ever feel like falling just remember that iqah never stops believing in you.Terime kasih cinta untuk segalanya.kau berikan lagi kesempatan itu,maafkan aku.

loves
Iqah

i have this letter written in ur thumbdrive but sad u cant read it so this was what actually i wrote...

Hanya kepastian yang ku menunggu kerna bagiku diri ini telah kian lama menanti jawapan yang tak terluahkan lagi?tapi seberapa lama lagi masa,waktu yang ku mampu beri pada kamu?kini ku masih mempunyai kesabaran yang tidak terhenti,bagi kekasihnya yang sorang ini yang telah mengambil jangka waktu yang panjang sekali.perit tau hati ini,hmph!tapi yang paling penting sekali kau sedari ku tidak perna menjadi kau sebagai permainan atau pertaruhan semata-mata.ku jujur dan benar-benar ingin bersamamu.jikalau dirimu tidak sedia lagi,ku tetap menanti dan tidak akan memiliki hati dan perasaan untuk yang lain.janji.

this is the second one...

hey love, You may not love me today, tomorrow, or ever, but I will love you until it kills me, and, even then, you'll be in my heart.I love you if only you knew how much.Would we still be in love? if ever u leave me,will you ever come back? I thought we were going to make it till' the end...thats why i still want to get to know you after the first meeting and soon i realise that I wanted you forever.Now here we are,its a year or so that we are still contacting and im very comfortable with u just like u are with me.I dont want to loose this special thing between us may it last forever.but Sometimes i feel Fed up of trying and pretending to be happy.Just because i dont want to loose a very special person like you,i mean what i say suffian.I use to mind u playing your games but put yourself in my shoes.What would u feel if i would do the same?Or maybe take a different scene such that im watching a movie on net and u are on the phone with me?how would u feel if i were to say the same?But i guess your trying your best to please me.terime kasih kerana mencube yang terbaik =)mase balek hari yg kite gi mkn dekat beach road beh u main game i irritate u =) man U kental uh u!sorry uh u 1-4,jgn geram uh ok ;)I pon akan cube untuk faham u tapi please satu je?jangan ignore i urh klu busy pun kadang2 i kol mcm stgh maut sey, u masih tak angkat2 =(
i akan slalu ingat kat u.u!jangan delete surat cinta i kat u!TAW!!hahah! sayang kamu,selalu
yang tercinta,rafiqah

and this will be the last one.

Di sebalik kalbuku ini
Yang semakin layu
Terbenam rasa rindu
Terkunci suara hati
Tiada siapa yang tahu

Dimanakah kasih
Tak seperti dulu
Kata kau sayangkan ku
Benarkah itu
Kini ku bersara
Dengan langkah baru
Menyisi luka ini kekasih....

Sekeras aku
Terhiris kerana kamu
Ku tinggalkan cinta
Kisah kenangan kita
Hanya kau yang tahu
Walau kehadiranmu

Bagaikan cahaya
bukan caraku sayang
mengharap kau mengerti,
Permergianku ini tak
Ku relai Salam maaf
permissi ku undur diri....

continuation of yesterday entry

2008-07-23T19:42:00.000+08:00

oh yeah! regarding about my bag strap. During form teacher,James pass me my bag strap.I was bloody happy! He said that it was in Chan Yiap's bag.So that person played that game which no one wants to play along did all that.Had physics remedial and every ones bag was outside and It all happened during physics practical remedial.I was so stressed up upon dealing with physics practical on reflection.I was totally clueless!But i managed to find my way in handing a complete practical worksheet. A tap on my back :) Good effort iQa !keep it up!

So i was happily feeling good that i was able to hold on even tho i was stress up but when i got out of the lab.Found that my bag strap was gone and there goes the joy a moment before.I was shock really shocked~
Stone for awhile
and then me and Kamilah started searching for a bag strap^pathetically stupid.went to inform my form teacher and she gave me a plain black side bag and i carried it everywhere i go.Went to the Art Room,talked to Mdm faz and broke down. I just felt that i can't be so unlucky on experiencing such things like others playing prank.It totally chipped my feelings,i felt terrible and when dealing with other personal problems which i don't wish to reveal.How stressful can it get?Ever ask yourself about that?I need all the courage that God could provide me with.

Anyway,i want to thank Kamilah for accompanying me search for my bag strap.thank you Darla :)

As for today,i got lots to do.Wrote every incomplete work on my back of hand so i won't forget.

Sayembara Cerpen
study for maths test tomorrow
SEQ history question 3 regarding about the war in Europe

Oh meinnn!!!

Lots to do.OK for now i shall kick some ass.

another day of my life

2008-07-22T21:08:00.000+08:00

today

first period was English,i had fun imitating the way she speaks.Just to elaborate on how much i miss Mr Peter for English lessons as he is way better then my current teacher.this year,we were assign by a singlish teacher who sits on the chair and teach the whole class.Imagine....everyone will be sleeping upon hearing her voice,lazy draggy voice.Whats more,she uses a mini microphone,why?as she cant project her voice thus she uses a mini microphone and carries it everywhere she go. She teaches us grammar,nouns and adverbs while she should be revising with us comprehensions as its the main component of the paper that we are facing difficulties with. I really don't get her.She should just have stayed home and take care of her daughter.

i just received a phone call and I'm not in the mood.sorry for this incomplete entry.

What a Day?

2008-07-21T21:18:00.000+08:00

Back to the hectic schedule everyday.
Today was a different case but hold on,lets start from the top.
As usual i went to school early in the morning reached at 7.10am. I was having stomach cramps and keep quite the whole morning assembly. First period was physics and Mr Heng announce that we have practical remedial after school,hell yeah i went!
I was grudgingly sad to encounter the same kind of incident which happen to be that i lost my expensive GUESS Original school bag at Whitesand,a case of theft.Why mine?Why is my bag the greatest target?today is pathetically stupid, as someone(s) decide to play prank or the definition "games meant for childish brainless deprived childhood" on a classmate of mine and obviously me.The lucky chosen one.Blurgh~
i guess my bag out stand the other bags outside the physics lab,come on its Project Shop's sling bag.I wonder why that someone took my clip on bag strap?pathetic isn't it?the bag strap's gone?they could have taken my wallet or something else that even valuable but instead took my bag strap?! What crap?!
Its OK,i can always get a new bag although that bag has sentimental values.yeah its irreplaceable! u pathetic thieve out there be prepare to face the consequences I'm gonna search high-low for u.

Today i realise one thing,the things that i lost are all the one that i treasure most.Plus the most expensive things that i own.shall bring up the matter to the discipline community.c u thieve soon OK..

2008-07-14T17:58:00.000+08:00

the overdue pictures

three days back

i was caught with high fever,didn't know what cause it.As far as i am concern, i did avoid getting sick.Well,this tell me one thing and that is,even how much we can try to avoid it,it will still come and get us.As we know humans are not created to be perfect.i guess humans are not created to be perfect due to that we have females and males which then will get married someday.therefore life isn't going to be a burden or boredom alone.

which whenever one is not capable of doing something her/his partner will actually be able to cover that incapability of her/his.So this leaves me to say that its alright to not be able to do everything.what matter most is that to try and give the very best.which now leads me to say that it doesn't mean that i life is about love mate occupying our daily life's.

Things maybe hard but if we try to fulfill that every moment spent with something that is actually worth to spare time for.Such that it is able to buy us happy moments when we are ageing nearer to god.Not moments which will eventually last for awhile.Staying home and having close conversations with my parents had made my day. It really made the home feel full of happiness.Thinking that tickling,joking around and laughter is that antidote that everyone needs cause it brings the love that i acquire as a teenager from my parents.mum and dad,i love u guys very much.may god send u the message.

love,

ur daughter

2008-07-07T16:47:00.000+08:00

past few days has been so called"ok"

start out with my well spent saturday evening to night which is on the 4 of July ' 08

Went out around 6 met Rasyid and yaya then proceed to downtown costa sands chalet.
reach about 6 30-6 45
hug sastri and we went for a walk andd smoke.waited for the rest to come so and especially for the bdae girl which is yasmin. when yasmin and efa arrived we went back to the chalet and started to eat.rasyid ate two ikan pari bakar!finger licking!
ahaahha
i ate with him actually~
its was superb!using moms recipe.
after eating we suprise yasmin with her bdae cake and there was other occasions too like bdaes and anniversarys.in total we had 3 cakes.nice!!!yummmeh~
after hugging and thanking them all.we proceeded to the pasir ris beach as they drank and at about 10 30 i went back.i have lots of overdue pics to upload.omg!but when?ahah

Where the hell has every of my friends gone to?
am not a last minute solution your boredness
boy,you will get more then u bargain for so Watch Out!
its not this kinda test that im looking for,oh god.help me out

2008-06-05T22:09:00.000+08:00

what have this school girl been doing and how have she been?this to?

THis!

Today is the end of study June camp but seriously i must say that i will miss every physics lesson taught by Ms Ng. When school reopens, back to Mr ****.OH MAN~ i have a high chance of scoring an F9 when he teach physics. =D

Overall i did benefit from coming down to school this four days. I've learnt alot and i will try my best to keep on track.

BOTTOMLINE: everything is manageable eventhough how hard is it and the best is not to complain or dwell on what cannot be done but what can be done.Furthermore, its better to try our very best to find solutions and not find excuses.Success is what i want to acheive in life so everyone better get a llife!!? hahaha

I think im craving for kebab from the night market but i can't afford to eat as and when i want. Only one heavy meal per day and no late night muching. hahah

If i do, there goes all the workouts ive been doing eversince 5-05-08.I started off with 300 skippings and then running on threadmill at the gym and lots more plus i dance at home.suke suke je but i sweat alot and i hope it works.

I wonder how much weight i've lost?I just dont want to weight myself now,Im scared that it will discourage myself from excercising everyday. =(

Well,everything can wait and focus on studies.

I've thought of lots of things lately, i am begining to feel the need of u in my life but at times seem unready.U have to break that wall that is holding u back cause it aint gonna get any better if u aint gonna change or take that step forward.I know and i can feel it.You want but you dont think that u can do a goood job and terrified of not capable to my high expectation of a boyfriend.

In life everything is a trial an error but if u know the answer to it better keep yourself distance from it but again to comform the statistics of ,'you know urselfs better',take that step forward and prepare to carry along the responsiblility as a teenager. i know u can and u will be brave and u can do it. I may not understand what u are feeling but i can tell u nothing is impossible to get it done.That is what i've always believe in.

2008-06-03T20:13:00.000+08:00

It felt like ages not blogging anything about my daily excitements.
Well i came to realise i only blogged twice last month?Some may say,'iqah,your better off without a blog?!its dead!?' whatever people~I dont care anyway its my wish and my say here

joey kept pestering me to update my blog,blurgh.its ok darlinggg,i still love u

currently i just had my shower and i smell gooooddd~ uhuhuuuhuuhhwoohooo0oooo~
it feels good na na na na nah~
Well well, had a long day just now and the day ended up with art class.Im having study june camp specially for the graduating classes whose sitting for d GCE 'O' Level .Its to help us,students to prepare themselves for the major examinations.SO,imagine yourself from 8 am to almost 6pm in school?how bad can it get?
answer: VERY BAD
especially when u have all the subjects lined up for the day.I think i've been thrown into deranged self,pratically im not mad but its driving me crazy.few months to suffer and im done =D

so far teachers have been teaching us new topics and for physics its an exchange teacher for 4 days.Thank god!!! and this week chapter is on Transformer.The purpose to increase or decrease in A.C(alternating current/voltage),its features which has two types:Primary coil and the secondary coil which wound around the laminated soft iron core plus its principles which states that the alternating voltage applied to primary coil,an alternating current flows through it and changing magnetic feild is linked to the secondary coil through the soft iron core.

ok enough of physics.

It was not a new thing for me that the whole class had to do journal writing,FAVOURITE!!!~~~

It was about reflecting on myself for the past 5 months. To be true, i was exonerated of any blame for the past five months at home and everytime it tears me apart. I really had enough,it already felt so bad not having my own room and privacy but its ok. Im looking forward my brother 'POP' and by the time brother finish his national service my sister is happily married and will be moving out to live with her lovely mother-in-law. YES YES YES YES!!!! i get the room to myself!!!!!! thats the best part of all.So lately i have been dreaming and pimples appear on my forehead.YUCK,i know.

stay tune to see the new look of my room.i 'll take the before and after pictures =D
hahaha

dear joey,
babe,i know u can and u will do it.
Even if its hurts i know you'll be prepare to face it.
Take it as a personal challenge ,ok? <3>

2008-05-07T10:36:00.000+08:00

TOPIC = MID YEAR EXAM

Right~~~~~
Exams indeed!however i wish it would end right away!Gosh i felt like crying when i was doing maths paper 2. it really is D I F F I C U L T! sigh
Eventually after that i had chemistry paper yesterday,it was OKaay.Like always ako buat macam paham. I'm looking forward for this coming Saturday !After 2 1/2 months not meeting
my shugarhunnybunnychocolatefreak!i miss you <3 style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">=D

to Joey : don't be sad babe?don't worry ok? Everything will be ok?i pray hard for u?AND, doesn't mean i dont featured u in friendster i dont treasure you?i do and will always k.its in the heart where theres no such extends?its always to the maximum.love u <3 style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">giving myself a pat on the shoulder cause i have been excercising =)

2008-05-03T08:13:00.000+08:00

********8 days to go*****

WoW! Its been a long time since i updated cause i Can't be bothered...sigh..

anyways,im half way done through the mid-yr-exm,monday was science practical,

tuesday was english paper 1 & 2 plus malay listening comprehension, wednesday was malay paper 1&2 , thursday was a holiday and friday was social studies paper.

Everything was manageable

i await for the upcoming paper such as maths and science cause they are the killings papers.ahah! im better in language then counting and practising. Lazy larhs

oh yeah..i found old photos...

i miss u babe!!!!!!!!!!!! nanti 31st May gi shopping jgn lupe k??but u cannot buy banyak-banyak tau!later i jealous!ahah =D

Ekin i miss u too!!jage diri baik2 tau! I didnt know u and afiq kawan sey!

a very long photo 3 years back!my long hair i really miss my long hair!! so much thinner then now!****!

thats all for today.i'll try and update as often as possible... *winkz*

2008-04-15T18:52:00.000+08:00

knowing that what we encounter every single day aren't as easy as it seems to be.

to my dearest sayang,
i will not give up on us.ok? :) sorry i askd u for time-out
even if i have to cry every single day before i sleep?
cause i know im trying my best to save us?
eventhough u seem like u dont care?
eventhough i felt like im the guy n ur the girl in the relationship?
even when i all this happen i know that we've known each other too well and that you love me too deep down only that u dont know how to express it?

when it will be fine?
we will go out and have dinner n watch movies and go to the beach like we use to.sigh
so near yet so far.

to my baby sab,
i think u and maman need to talk things out a.s.a.p
i care and concern for u two
therefore i hope that everything will be solve. i miss my saB, my joey and on top of that i miss my suffian.i hope things will get back to normal even how hard the situation that we have to handle. amin.

2008-04-13T14:58:00.000+08:00

yeah yeah yeah ive not been updating and this blog is probably dead. HEH

however as much as i am concern that ive been spending most of my days wisely.
im proud that i did self-sacrifices,spent those afternoons in school doing revision for the upcoming mid-year-exam which is not too far away from this very day.
Honestly im not fully prepared a i know i still need to improve certain era.
I kept telling myself its just a year to suffer and clear my O's and im done.
get this over and done with baby!!!oh yeahh i found something and im inspired.

The night is only a sort of carbon paper,
Blueblack,with the much-poked periods of stars
Letting in the light,peephole after peephole--
A bonewhite light,like death,behind all things.
under the eyes of the stars and the moon's rictus
he suffers his dessert pillow, sleeplessness
stretching its fine,irritating sand in all directions.

Over and over the old,granular movie
Exposes embarrassments--the mizzling days
of childhood and adolescene,sticky with dreams,
parental faces on tall stalks,alternately stern and tearful,
a garden of buggy rose that made him cry.
his forehead is bumpy as a sack of rocks.
memories jostle each other for face-room like obsolete film stars.

he is immune to pills:red,purple ,blue--
how they lit the tedium of the protracted evening!
those sugary planets whose influence won him
A life baptized in no-life for a while,
and the sweet, drugged waking for a forgetful baby.
now the pills are worn-out and silly. like classical gods.
their poopy-sleepy colours do him no good.

his head is a little interior of grey mirrors.
each gesture flees imeediately down an alley
of Diminishing perspectives,and its significance
drains like water out the hole at the far end.
he lives without privacy in a lidless room,
the bald slots of his eyes stiffened wide-open
on the incessant heat-lightning flicker of situations.

nightlong,in the granite yard,invisible cats
have been howling like women,or damaged instruments.
already he can feel daylight,his white disease,
creeping up with her hatful of trivial repetitions.
the city is a map of cheerful twitters now,
and everywhere people,eyes mica-silver and blank,
are riding to work in rows,as if recently brainwashed.

by IMSOMNIAC
SYLVIA PLATH.

i love it so much!
bravo!!!

2008-03-29T15:30:00.000+08:00

My apology for not updating my blog for the past few days.

I've been thinking through and i still cant figure out the answer to my questions.
Or maybe as day go by,maybe..just maybe the answers which I'm looking for will be revealed.
Curiosity deepens my heart and soul.
Its so hard to get out of this fantasy but
I really wanna get back on track to the reality.
Cause i missed screening through humans thinking for whats best to do and not to
Or am i the only one not thinking wisely
Or am i the one dwelling too much on Unnecessary issues?
why all this questions pops out of my pathetic pinky brain?
Maybe cause i care too much
maybe cause i need u too
maybe i felt Ur a part of me now
just maybe we have split personalities
you shall not punk me out
cause if u ever do
assume its the worst sleepless nights
that u'll be facing
for now I'm done on my doubtful entry

i had an online conversation with nurul hidayah an ex classmate

2008-03-21T17:53:00.000+08:00

here it goes...

&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
harloo.. u noe maner nk carik tk friendster nyer layout?
iqah says:
something like pimp my profile
iqah says:
i dont really knw
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
ouhhok
iqah says:
hey..
iqah says:
erm..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
yes darl?
iqah says:
i was thinking of talking things out with mariam..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
hmmm...
iqah says:
u think its a good idea?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
hmm.. before that, wad do u wanna tell her sweetheart?
iqah says:
i dont know
iqah says:
i just want to try my luck..
iqah says:
i miss her
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
aww...
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
hmm.. i tink before u start confronting her, u shud tink of a decent conversation
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
its been so long, since u both been talking..
iqah says:
im not confronting her
iqah says:
its just a talk
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
i mean i support it, if u wanna patch up back..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
hmmm.... how bout starting wif a normal convo...?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
or do u wan me to ask her?
iqah says:
its is gonna be a normal convo
iqah says:
its ok..
iqah says:
i shall do it myself
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
good lucks darl
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
i won tell her den
iqah says:
u think its a good thing to do?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
hmm.... yupp.. it is..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
follow ur heart
iqah says:
how u think she will react uh?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
hmm.. seriously... i tink she'll freak out
iqah says:
why?
iqah says:
i mean im gonna be the one making the first move i guess
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
yup... i noe...
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
she'll feel awkward, becuz u both da lamer tk bobal...
iqah says:
we can always starts it new..
iqah says:
well nothing is impossible?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
of cosh
iqah says:
dont u like us together back?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
anythin can happen.trust me
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
aww.. i'd love to see u both back being frends
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
honest
iqah says:
serious?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
serious..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
but lyk i said, she'll be abit freak out... jux go wif e flow
iqah says:
its ok atleast i try
iqah says:
if she doesnt want
iqah says:
its ok..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
im sure, she'll be ok wif it
iqah says:
at least she will knw i still have a fresh mememory of our good days
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
yeahh....she'll be reminded of e best times u both had together
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
ur friendship wif her was REAL.... dun u worry
iqah says:
ouhok..
iqah says:
thanks
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
no prob!....
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
oh ya GOOD LUCK hunney
iqah says:
haha
iqah says:
ok
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
Hehe
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
i nk buat new friendster.. but jux for my frens lyk u and e others.. hehe!
iqah says:
ouhok..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
erm.. raf.. can i ask sumthng?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
no offence
iqah says:
yeah?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
ur not against her wif rreys anymore rite?..
iqah says:
neh..it doesnt matter anymore..im up to make good with me n her not him..
iqah says:
so yeahh
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
great darling....
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
i doa doakan ur frenship can start anew..
iqah says:
i was only angry when u told me that he said it was bcoz of me..
iqah says:
remember the msg in class whereby i didnt not get to read?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
yupyup... they hv their own opinions
iqah says:
n u read it?
iqah says:
and he said it will be me who will cause they breakup?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
i dun tink tis thing will come up again
iqah says:
how come?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
cuz u guys, r more matured now
iqah says:
oh really?
iqah says:
how come u just realise it now?
iqah says:
it was so long ago that i start to think maturedly
iqah says:
kan?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
but u werent clox anymor babe
iqah says:
clox?
iqah says:
means?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
slose
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
close
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
haha.. sorry!..
iqah says:
orh
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
rite?
iqah says:
everyone was too busy to even notice i've changed
iqah says:
aint i right.
iqah says:
or couldnt even be bothered
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
eh eh.. lets not get carried away here...
iqah says:
haha
iqah says:
no..
iqah says:
fact
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
hehhe..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
we did care
iqah says:
oh really?
iqah says:
i thought i was the only one who cared about u n sukh
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
we wanted to noe wad ur results were n stuff lyk tt...but see, ur real close to ur otha frens..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
we tot , u forgotten bout us oso..
iqah says:
me forgot abt u?
iqah says:
n the rest
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
ntahh
iqah says:
fat hope uh sia
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
u did care?..
iqah says:
oh no i did care at all..of course uh
iqah says:
i do
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
well we did too..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
n see, ur all up to sec5.. same class lagik.. lets not waste tis chance
iqah says:
sayang la..ur not in the same klass as us now
iqah says:
if not
iqah says:
u can also see me together back with mariam
iqah says:
:)
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
yupyup.. it'll be so nice to see new friendship blooming again...
iqah says:
aha
iqah says:
ok
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
hehe
iqah says:
u not goin out?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
nope..sakit kpala uh nowdays... haizz
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
u?
iqah says:
nope..
iqah says:
got lots of work to do..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
sec5 work huh?
iqah says:
yah
iqah says:
tak kan relationship work kan
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
eehehe.. hu noes?
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
haha
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
even i haven found a new guy
iqah says:
aaha..dont need to find la..
iqah says:
someone will come
iqah says:
for me
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
thanks..=))
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
for u?
iqah says:
thats how i think la..
iqah says:
i dont not la for u pulak how
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
im hopin sum1 wil emerge
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
haaha
iqah says:
ahah
iqah says:
it all takes time..
&& _ Hell Yeahh ' ___ ^^ A Nobody is Loved By NoBody ... But Hey,,, i'm Too [[ Fly To be Depressed ]] says:
yaa

so here it ends our conversation.I have doubts with her but i dont intend to clear it with her cause i dont see the need to do so cause i only trust myself.well...i dont want anything to go hay wired just because of your presence.Reys,i am sorry for the past things and the jugdement made by me but now the thing i have to do is get things back to the way it should.do you support me decison reys?I'll SCRAM anyone if u get in my way.so hands off my friendship if it doesnt concerns u.thank you.i believe i made it clear and im proud of myself to make this fantastic speech if it were to be read to many on stage.Round of applause!mariam do keep track of my updates ok..and u will realise who ur true friends are. = )

nothing is as easy as it can be spout

2008-03-12T16:42:00.000+08:00

Had a tiring day yesterday and slept whole afternoon after meeting yan in the morning.Well...today i was browsing through my email and this is what i found...

I have nothing much to say,indeed. I just need to clarify few things with you. I've heard about your blog thingy and infact,i have read them. I know im wrong and now its time for me to stand up for myself although i know where my position is. The way you are telling people about your past relationship with me,and by putting my pictures in your blog makes me feel uncomfortable. Its like you are telling others that i am notorious. I was livid for a moment but i came to realise in mind that you have the right to do so as we are all free to do whatever we want in life. Firstly,i have nothing against you. I know i've did numerous amount of mistakes to you and took sadistic pleasure in hurting you. And,i have deserved my eternal damnation. I have tried to perfect our friendship but eveytime i did,i failed. It gets worse and that is where i get so mentally exhausted,i no longer cared. I know with the presence of the third party,our friendship turns out to be the way it is now. But please dont blame him for this. Blame me instead. I dont blame you either. Blame me for eveything,please. I decided to leave this friendship,of my own accord. Not because im being forced by him. We just cant be together like the way we used to. Furthermore,even if we were to get back together,it wont be the same and it will be back to square one. You dont need me by the way. Im incorrigible. Bury all the memories that we had and move on with your new chapter of life. Just let bygone be bygone.

email from her.
she doesnt want the friendship anymore..so what can i do?suggestions?anyone?k anyone gives counselling?cause i need them now..

hell yeah NO One...

2008-03-08T12:58:00.000+08:00

why?who?when?where?

I'm a little bit moody and everybody expect things to be perfect.Dad is driving me crazy.why so?he thinks his always right.He shouts at me now and then.I'm truly hurt that's why I'm crying.he accuse me of drinking early in the morning yesterday,it really pissed me.So i pack school bag and went off to school very early.I felt that every second is a torture for me to live.

Isn't a bit too much to be accuse of drinking?I've quit drinking a long time ago.yes, i did but Ive quit.Dad gets mad at me for being rude today but i cant help it. I'm still hurt of the accusation he had towards me.I'm having mix feelings now and i wish i can just dump everything here.It's too much too handle.Somehow i want to run from it but it keep coming.therefore tears keep rolling down my cheeks.I'm not good in expressing my feelings.It s got to be easy then this,can it?

cousin wedding ceremony today gotta get ready now.I hope for only the best out of me even if the tantrum that I'm throwing at dad.Everyone is not perfect. FUCK.

2008-03-04T20:26:00.000+08:00

Gosh! We had like 2 hours of free period today as MRS TE and MS CHIOW didnt attend school today.PE lesson was a free period to me also. Where the hell is mrs Te?Im waiting for my english paper.This common test i failed badly.I wasn't fully prepared or studied for it.I've scored 10/50 for chemistry,18/50 for physics,8/40 for maths,3/25 for history and 10/25 for social studies.So far i've only passed two subjects which is Mother Tongue which i've encountered 12/20 and ART 56/100.Overall...BAD!Got to buck up.On 12 March,I'll be having malay oral!!!Its really terrifying coz i dont usually communicate in malay with my friends.In our conversations,its always a mixture of Eng,malay and chinese.In malay they call it 'rojak'.It hits me back to what i've been doing all this while.It seems to be that effort needs to be put to work to achieve better encouraging results.muhd hairun fahmy bin sakroni just crossed my mind a couple of times this few hours.i guess im missing him alot.Anybody can guide me through?I'm having difficulties to understand certain things and even if i study i dont understand the question, as in what the are asking for.I'm a total lost soul in science and maths.I've never pass science since primary 3.Yeah like WAHHHH P3 seyy...

ok.enough about studies.i'm shag and i want to rest as well as read up science topics.I'm waiting for yan to call me at nine plus most probably at 10 he will then call me.as usually...

i miss hairun fahmy also my best partner for dangdut!

This was last year when i went out with him on our first meeting.yeah he wears specs(smart looking boy) i loike!!and his very tall like one or two heads above me.So when ever i want to talk to him i need to really look up.GEEEeee...i miss him i miss him i miss him.aku rindu padamu-evie tamala(dandgut song)

his my kure-kure(tortoise)We had a story together.We usually talk on the phone but yet nomore of those times as his now attached with a lovely girlfriend.hope u guys last.Hey fahmy if u come across my blog do give me a suprise phone call cause i miss u la sweets!!

Oh yarh!!!i feel like piercing again!on the ear of course no where esle.i cant pierce back my tongue.last time,in total i had seven piercings but now left only 5 :(

today after school,i met my baby joey!!then she gave me a necklace which had FRIENDS on it she had the other half BEST...it was a necklace for best friends.thank you JOEY.. ily.and and she also gave me earings sey...alamak joey thanks alot seyy...you shouldnt have but O)OPSS u did it again...ahahaha!

2008-03-01T22:40:00.000+08:00

Who?What?Why?When?

who am i to you?
what am i to do?
why is it this way?
when will it end?

no idea

i want,i need, i love,i cherish and i know it wun't come true
but why am i still thinking of-
should i or shouldnt i talk to you?
truth is i don't know how am i able to handle you.
in fact others are looking at us
missing us together,to see us encounter this through
which why they want us true

to say-to see-to feel how hard is it to deal

so why keep it inside?let it out babe
cause i will most likely to be there looking after you.cause what matter most is that i love you.

2008-02-25T18:33:00.001+08:00

Today i felt like blogging about what i feel and that is you siti mariam bte johari.

Till today,i still dwell on my past and its you.Being in the same class and not talking to each other is just too weird for me.I miss our laughter,our day out together(the two of us only)and the joy we went through together.Somehow i felt you didnt wanted me anymore,therefore i back off.I speak for others of how you are back then.I did make things clear to you if you have anything to clarify with me please do so but yet you kept quite.I don't understand why so.Why did you have to ask ur boyfriend to speak up for you?Your closer to me Not him.I still do care for you its a matter of do you care for me the same way?The truth is i felt neglected by my own bestfriend.I must say it wasn't easy for me to get over things between you and me.I cried like a baby to joey about you but you couldn't care less.How sad could that be?The day i lost my bag,you weren't there for me.I wanted for your call but nope,nothing from you.NO calls..NO sms..Nothing!

Every problem we acquire are just for us to handle.Not a 3rd party.It our friendship not his.I don't understand why u didnt speak up for me?You are afraid of losing him then me?I dont need you to piorities me but as a friend you should know what to do.You thought me one thing and that is BEST FRIENDS might just leave and be the worst nightmare.Now your my nightmare.I wouldn't want to talk about this again but i tell you one thing last year i bought you a birthday present but i dare not pass it to you.I know you hate the sight of me..well i don't..i miss us..our friendship...I still cried when i think of us..no other friendship could be like ours..no one..only if you treasured me.I wish you all the best.tell me if you need anything...I'll be there..Somehow i wish everything would end perfectly..i wish you could give me the hug that you usually gave me..i miss you..really do..

here are some of the msges from friendster which i kept..as memories..

I'm not sure you want me to give you a poem like this for your birthday a poem which says I need to bury myself in the center of your heart and swim there like a mermaid.I pretend to do ordinary things like birthday cards but all the cells in my body are in revolt because you're not here for me..not even talking like we use to..i know ur going trough ur hard time of life..i know..but i'm here for u..and i hope u r here for me..just really hope u'll be there..but somehow people let me down..i never tought i was never important in ur life..i can't believe the day we had maths paper 2..after the paper u just left ...not even a bye from u..i'm pissed..but i tried to understand y..but still u don't have to treat me this way..i'll be really crazy if u don't change..i have too much to handle..its a case of life n death..i'm not kidding..its very traumatising..when u don't even know whats gonna happen next..'he'(my dad) can anytime live me..how am i able to cope?everything pains me..everything..i'm not kidding..people treat me like trash..i can't even get to talk to you..i didn't know i was never important in ur life..is there still place for me in ur heart..?i feel like killing myself..u are the only one i hope for now..but u somhow let me down..has somone become more important than me?i guess yah..ur boyfriend rite..?i don;t care what he wants to say..for all i care..but atleast don't seperate us..please don't be selfish..i'm here thinking about u..but r u?i'm crying for u..thinking about u..wondering why u not there..u don't even msg me anymore..hu's ur 1st piority?not me i guess..cud somebody hu i know..yeah..i guess so..i just hope for u..even i can't have my 'him'..my life time lover..is much more hurting to me..if u wouldn;t even care to ask..how i am..how i have been..do you know..just such sentence like these can make me really happy oready...as ur asking me..that's what i really wanted..i don't get u..whats ur plan..why r u not talking to me..its very painfull...please remember..even i'm an outsider..i'm always there to go trough thick n thin..goin trough the ups n downs with u..u have always had me..by ur side..but y?but y r u not talking it out?i'm not invisible mariam..i'm there..never far away from u..please down let me down..love,iqahi really love u alot..more than u could possibly imagine..how much this freindship worth..

instead her boyfriend replied me...

haiz..tak habes2 gado(kite tak pernah gadoh,it was misunderstanding and i never did shout at her before like he did in public) ..and im sorry i dont mean to masok campo dlm persahabatan korang but i guess im already involved..i dont care what u wanna say either i just wanna set the record straight ; IM NOT SEPARATING ANYONE. IM NOT BEING SELFISH. (you already did) the fact is, you are..13th july ni aku da masok camp okeh..so bear with it..im trying my best to spend every time i have left with mariam and kalau kau betol2 kwn mariam kau patot memahami keadaan..kat skolah hari2 jumpe kan(she didn't even talk to me in school,she acted like i wasnt there)..well make full use of it..and takkan psl tak ckp bye pon nak kecik hati..come on la iqah..i seek your forgiveness on her behalf okay?
both are saying each others changing now..its just best to accept somehow for who they are..rather than asking them to change am i right? but if u still insist then go change your ownself first..no ones perfect so if u cant accept someone's flaws then go fix yours first..u dont want people to treat u like trash then dont treat people like one..dont ask if theres a place for u in her heart but instead go and fight for one..and why are u so desperate to be her number 1 priority? ( i did not wish to be her num one) even i dont mind if im not..i mean i love her alot too but at some point of time u just have to put someone else before that person..like family for example..or kwn2 yg bermasalah so on and so forth..but that doesnt mean i dont love her..just that keadaan tak mengizinkan..samer story dgn ape yg berlaku skrg ni..you're complaining of her not spending time with u when im going ns in a few months time..of cos she would grab every oppurtunity to spend time with me but that doesnt mean she doesnt love u no more..kengkawan mariam yg lain tkde pon complain so dont u think youre being a little selfish here? (me selfish?i gave her all the time she needed,i wasnt controlling her at all..the decision is in her hand not me)
im sorry if my entrance in her life has interupted your friendship..i swear its not something i wished for..in fact dari dulu lagi i told mariam i dont want any of her friendship terjejas because of me..i love her and i love all her friends too..tapi kau yg ngade2 sgt tknk klua samer2 psl teringatkan balik pasal ex kau ke ape nta la pasal tu la pasal ni la..semenye tak kene bagi kau..its all about you iqah..tak pernah terlintas ke dlm kepale otak kau tentang perasaan org lain? for once just please put others before you before u demand something in return..or best still, dont expect anything in return..keikhlasan tu penting..
i seriously dont want to gado la okeh..i have nothing against you..at all..mohon ampun dan maaf atas segalenye yang berlaku semenjak aku berkenalan dgn mariam..think u girls need to talk, NICELY..
im just, sorry..rreys ^

I MSG HER THROUGH PHONE..and again he replied through friendster msg..WDH

hello o.ohaha sorry ye kerane saye ni unamanah pergi bace msg org..dengar2 mengumpat psl org lain takpe..tak salah..iqah buat apape seme maner ade salah..seme betol beb..akha see? youre so good at spotting others mistake tapi diri sendiri peh salah mcm tak prasan gitu ehk..and biler org tego takle accept lak tu..tsk3 as i said im sure as hell i dont want to gado i tried to apologise i tried to compromise i tried everything but it seems that pihak disaner tu maseh ego jugak so im not gonna suit to every of your taste no more..we're not born to please you..and since when do i need your permission to have some space? maner peh big shot je ehk..dont test my patience cos i dont have one..try me..and oh, i dont recall saying i know everything so stop putting words into my mouth thank you..

Whatever busted..your unwanted here..sicko..you disrespect my friend thats why i hate you...you said that i would be the cause of you breakup,didnt you?bloody busted...you hurt her again and may lighting strikes you.Mariam i never did talk about you and all i did was talk about him..cause i hate him and you know why...i'll end here.

today emaline ask me where i bought my pencil case?she thought i bought it in malaysia?WDF..HEY its tailor made..no one esle has it..its expensive ok..sentimental value alright!!!MUM did it for me..SAYER SYG IBU =D

2008-02-22T14:29:00.000+08:00

20 mins ago :-

yan called me "mulut macam jubo ayam" which means talking non-stop and hyperactive.i miss him tons!He wanted to shower,we hang up and i stared blankly into the ceiling.Im bored(didn't attend school today)LaTE!

Meeting up with joey later.i miss you babe!!!

k im left with a cigg,how am i gonna survive?

telling myself-it cant be that bad without ciggs

ouhok.. i need to shower again...more to come tonite =D

2008-02-20T20:30:00.000+08:00

Oh well,let's see where should i start...yes...yes..this will be my very first blog entry out of my sixteen years living.I guess for a start it might get a little bit borrrrinngg,hopefully it will get better.As for now im fatigue!and yes it's 20 febuary 2008,few more days to my common test.WOw...TELL ME ABOUT IT.what should /shouldn't i do?That's where i thought I'm either restricted-controlled-trapped in or with something.

Upon reaching home today,mum said that my maths teacher called home.Wana know why?To inform about P.T.C(parents-teacher-conference) this coming saturday.Not just that but additional of something esle.She called to say that i need a tutor for maths to guide me through as im facing difficulties catching up with her lesson.Lately i've been sleeping in class during maths lesson.OH!come on!whats new??I admit i lack of interest in maths but i just can't get what she's trying to say and that makes me sleepy in class during her lesson.Maths in not my FOrte,whereby art is my concern.

REMINDER : i need to get atleast 6-7 drawings done by common test *wink wink* have to maintain that A1...right...‬

1st piece with be the tree
2nd-face-red
3rd-face-blue
4th face -pink
5th baby-purple
6th my face(bday pic)
7th " "

k i guess that's about all for now.Ok,I'll end here today.Im so sleepy.bye.